If a stranger wants to kidnap and rape you, he will most often ambush you and then threaten to kill you to get you to comply so he can take you to a secondary location, which you have to avoid at all costs. Once he has your attention, he may tell you that he doesn’t want to have to kill you and that if you go along with all his demands you will be safe. The reality is that going along with his demands will put you in mortal danger. Even if he threatens you with a gun or knife, you must get away before he gets a chance to take you to a secondary location, because once he has you isolated, it will be too late, and he will have his way with you.
Attacks do NOT occur without warning, but the warnings are often very subtle and usually go unnoticed by the victims. However, if you practice a high level of situational awareness and honor your intuition, and NEVER tell yourself that you are overreacting, you will almost always be able to stay safe. In the very rare instance where someone attacks you, you will see it coming and will be prepared to effectively defend yourself.
Situational awareness is essentially the practice of being alert to whatever is going on in your immediate environment. From a self-defense perspective, this refers to the practice of actively observing and interpreting the behavior of all the people in your immediate environment in order to anticipate danger. However, situational awareness is practiced in many areas of life. For example, in my second book, Doctor’s Partner: The Self-Empowered Patient, I describe how to be on the lookout for some of the most common errors made by doctors, nurses, and other personnel. When receiving medical treatments, maintaining situational awareness can save you from medical mistakes of various types.
For the purpose of the Women’s Self-Defense course that I teach, it is about staying safe from human predators. This includes things like observing a person’s hands to see if he or she is holding a weapon and noticing if the person keeps patting a certain spot on the body where a weapon may be concealed.
Situational awareness includes self-awareness
The practice of situational awareness is not just about observing the behavior of others, it is about self-observation. In the book Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker teaches how to pay attention to your own physiological changes such as heartrate, respiration, sweating, muscle tension, and other bodily changes as warning signs before we become consciously aware of someone’s suspicious behavior. For example, whenever I notice those changes in myself, they prompt me to then pay more attention to my environment. Once you know what to look for and can tune in to your own subjective experience, you will be able to rely on intuitive hits.
Practiced at a high level, you will sense potential danger before it happens, allowing you to not be where the threat is, and you will be able to protect others by warning them of the threats you see. Many times, you won’t even be aware of seeing or hearing anything suspicious, but you will get an intuitive hit that a certain person or group of people standing around are behaving in a way that could indicate a possible threat.
Human predators can be very cunning. A predator can appear harmless in order to get close to you. Then, in a brief moment when you are distracted, the predator will make his or her move.
SOCIAL VERSUS ASOCIAL VIOLENCE
In a situation where there is a threat of social violence (fights based on ego), just walking away can often prevent the violence from occurring. In asocial violence (the ambush), turning and walking away will get you killed. In social violence, you are face-to-face with the threat; if you can’t walk away, you can usually avoid an attack by assertively and respectfully setting clear boundaries. In asocial violence, unless you are practicing situational awareness at a high level, you won’t see or hear the attack coming and the first thing you notice is that you have been grabbed, stabbed, or shot. This is why it is so important to be situationally aware of both your surroundings as well as of your feelings and premonitions.
BLENDING IN
Personally, I’m what’s referred to as a gray man, meaning I blend in and don’t get noticed. In terms of staying safe, regardless of gender, whatever you do to get noticed will get the attention of predators. You can blend in by dressing in ways that don’t make you stand out in a crowd and by being a great observer rather than someone who makes your presence known wherever you go. This is particularly important when in an unfamiliar part of town or another culture, where behaving in a way that gets attention can be seen as disrespectful.
Dangerous predators also try to blend in because they want to capitalize on the element of surprise.
When in a public place, never mention in a loud voice to people you’re with or on you phone where you are going next. You never know when a potential predator could be watching and listening. Remember, predators commonly blend in with everyone else; you can only recognize them by their behavior.
PSYCHOPATHS, SOCIOPATHS, PSYCHOTIC, OPPORTUNISTS, THE MASSES
- Psychopaths aka (antisocial personality disorder) will victimize you and feel no remorse. They are often very charming, while being arrogant and very manipulative. There are psychopaths in high positions of almost every profession. You cannot recognize a psychopath by physical appearances. Although serial killers are all psychopaths, most psychopaths never commit physical violence. Many of us have been charmed by a psychopath at some point without actually falling victim to his or her manipulative behavior. Regardless of gender, we’ve all been charmed by psychopaths. It’s important to recognize various red flags. Countless women fell in love with Ted Bundy and several other charming, handsome psychopaths.
- Sociopaths will victimize you, but unlike the psychopath, their behavior is learned. Similar to a psychopath, sociopaths are not easy to identify until you get to know them. And also as with psychopaths, they will hurt you or steal from you without any feelings of guilt or remorse.
- Someone who is psychotic will usually only commit violence as a result of paranoid delusions. Unlike psychopaths and sociopaths, psychotic people do not go around looking for victims. They are generally not a danger to be around unless they are paranoid and off their meds.
- Morally bankrupt opportunists may not be psychopaths or sociopaths, but a sizable percentage of the population will take advantage of someone when the opportunity presents itself. Unlike the psychopath or sociopath, these opportunists may experience feelings of guilt and even remorse for having taken advantage of someone. But their guilt and remorse may not be strong enough to stop them from taking advantage of someone else when the next opportunity presents itself.
- A very high percentage of the population would never engage in certain unlawful or immoral behavior on their own. But when they are part of a large crowd, there can be a normalization of unlawful or immoral behavior. Be wary of crowds.
- There are many people who seem warm and friendly when you have an initial conversation with them, but when they get triggered by what most of us would consider a harmless comment or action, an angry, revengeful personality takes over. As with all these types of people I just described, you often won’t know who they really are until you get to know them. And by then it could be harder to distance yourself from them.
Here are more safety tips:
- Whenever you are in a public place, make a game of looking to see what is out of place or anomalous from baseline.
- Whenever you are in a public place, make a game of looking to see what is potentially dangerous about someone’s behavior around you.
- If a man or woman approaches you either for help or who tries to get to know you, you must be suspicious. If you are feeling uncomfortable with that person, honor that feeling and keep your distance physically and make it clear in a loud voice so that others can hear that you are not interested. Human predators want to avoid witnesses; that’s when women get abducted—the predator always wants to avoid witnesses.
- If you ever see someone walking toward you who suddenly looks left and right, you are about to be attacked; if it’s too late to get away, you will need to prepare to fight to defend yourself. But with good situational awareness you will likely spot that person early enough to walk away.
- Are you aware of when someone in your immediate environment is on cocaine, crystal meth, PCP (angel dust), or some other street drug? Whenever you notice anyone who is acting in a way that makes you fearful, get away immediately. If they are on certain street drugs they will act in unpredictable ways and when they attack someone, they use extreme violence.
- Guys Hanging Out: Many rapes and muggings occur when a victim ignores an obvious potential threat. For example, you are walking through a garage, through a park, or down a deserted alley or street and you spot one or more men hanging out, just looking around. You wonder if they are up to no good, but you ignore your intuition and tell yourself that you’re just being paranoid as you continue to walk to your intended destination. Always err on the side of caution. It is better to go an alternate way or if that’s not possible, don’t go anywhere near them, even if it means you won’t be able to return to your car. Always maintain calm awareness and act in accord with your intuition.
- Elevators: Always be aware of everyone around you. When waiting for an elevator or anything, always stand with your back to a wall if at all possible. When in an empty elevator, if someone suspicious enters, get out, even if you are not yet at your destination floor. Whenever you are anywhere outside your house or other protected area, be aware of people in front and in back of you. If you are about to get into an elevator with someone in it who looks suspicious to you, wait for the next elevator. Avoid standing next to the elevator buttons because it gives a predator an excuse to get close to you.
- Park your vehicle under bright lights and avoid parking in an isolated area, whether in a garage or on the street.
- Which is safer: elevator or stairway: Use whichever one is more likely to be used by others. Avoid any dark or isolated area, whether in a garage or on the street. A predator can be lurking in a stairwell or an elevator. In both cases, don’t use that route if you hear or see anything suspicious. For example, if you enter a stairwell on the 3rd or 4th level of a garage and you hear something suspicious either above or below that floor, use a different stairwell or elevator. In fact, you could even walk down alongside the cars. The safest route is usually the one with the most people.
- When driving, if anyone ever walks in front of your car or up to the side of your car for any reason other than to cross the street, drive around that person without stopping even if it means driving over the curb and onto the sidewalk. You could easily be carjacked and possibly shot if you stop.
- When driving, if anyone ever drives in front of your car and stops for any reason other than that their vehicle is blocked, drive around that car without stopping, even if it means driving over the curb and onto the sidewalk. This is another way you could easily be carjacked and possibly shot if you stop.
- When driving, if you think you are being followed, drive to the nearest police station or anywhere with lots of people. If you are absolutely certain someone is following you, also call 911. Do not drive home—you don’t want that person knowing where you live.
Make a habit of scanning the space around you, whether you are driving, walking, or sitting with friends in a public space.
- Scan the space around you for the wide variety of signs or signals that something is amiss. Learn to identify subtle signs that the stranger approaching you could pose a threat. The way people walk, gesticulate and speak will give you clues. Sometimes you won’t consciously be able to identify the specifics of why you are suspicious of an individual, but always honor your fear.
- Scan the space around you for potential threats: Unless you are home or somewhere where everyone in the room is someone you know well, scan the room. Scanning is a way to unobtrusively and covertly study people. The way the person walks, stands, gesticulates, along with the facial expressions all give you great insight into that person’s nature and intentions.
- Scan the space around you for escape exits—doors, windows hallways, from which you may escape. Scan the room to find reflective surfaces in order to have more warning if a suspicious person suddenly enters. If there is shooting, keep in mind that bullets go through walls—unless that wall is concrete, stone or some other very solid surface.
- Other behaviors to watch for as you scan a room with your eyes and ears:
- Someone who keeps looking over his or her shoulder.
- Someone who appears unusually fidgety.
- Someone who looks uncomfortable.
- Someone who seems very distracted.
- Someone who keeps patting or in some way touching the same place on the body. For example, someone carrying a concealed weapon will very commonly touch the pocket or place on their torso where they have the concealed weapon (aka concealed carry).
- Someone whose behavior contradicts their words. For example, it could be someone whose words are conciliatory but whose body language and emblems (hand gestures) give off a sense of anger, superiority, or dominance.
- Someone who is engaged in some task and seems to be noticeably unfocused. For example, let’s say you are in your local coffee shop and as usual you see a lot of people working on their laptops as they enjoy their coffee. But then you notice one person who keeps looking up and scanning the room. This person seems very uncomfortable and distracted. That person’s strange behavior does not mean he or she is dangerous, but it would be enough for me to keep an eye on him and if he gets up, leaving his laptop and backpack behind I might say something to him in a loud voice about it not being safe leaving his valuables behind. If he reacts suspiciously, everyone would then be looking at him and we could all evacuate the building. I have occasionally been in a coffee shop when someone sitting near me asks me to watch his or her laptop before heading to the bathroom. I always watch to make sure the person really goes to the bathroom and doesn’t exit the bldg.
- Vigilance: Anytime you are simply a little bit suspicious about someone’s behavior, never take your eyes off that person (peripherally); your instincts are telling you that this person may possibly be a potential threat.
There are many specific threat indicators that you can use to do predator profiling. In predator profiling it is important to appreciate that most of what we all communicate is nonverbal. Someone’s words may seem perfectly benign, but that person’s meta-communication will often tell a very different story. Predator profiling and situational awareness includes the following:
- HEURISTICS are mental shortcuts that ease the cognitive load of making a decision while under stress. For example, one heuristic could be your decision to always get someone to accompany you when returning to your car late at night.
- ATMOSPHERICS refers to a subjective experience of the mood in an environment. For example, you walk into a room of people and there is tension in the air. Your sense of tension in the room will be based on biometrics, proxemics, haptics, etc.
- BIOMETRICS are observable physiological and behavioral changes in someone. A few examples include pupil dilation, blanching, and flushing. Blanching of facial color commonly indicates extreme fear and this is true even with the darkest of skin color. Facial and neck flushing could indicate anger or shame. Facial expression and the person’s meta-communication are needed to definitively discern the exact emotion the person is experiencing and his or her intention.
- PROXEMICS relates to the physical distance between people who are in verbal or nonverbal communication. Cultural differences aside, this can indicate how comfortable the people feel with each other or the nature of their relationship. Even when you can’t hear their words, you will know a lot by their proxemics.
- HAPTICS refers to the nonverbal communication based of how people are in physical contact. For example, different messages are communicated in touching someone’s head, face, back, shoulder, upper arm, forearm, or hand. Again, it is important to consider the meta-communication.
- KINESICS refers to nonverbal communication based on hand or arm gestures. Cultural differences aside, this is a way to get a sense of the emotional state of the person you are observing. For example, if you see someone pounding on the table or finger-pointing at people, you know to stay away from that person.
- VOCALICS has to do with changes in the pitch, volume, or other aspects of a person’s voice. When someone’s voice increases in pitch or volume, they are commonly feeling fearful or anxious, but it could mean they are simply excited and happy. When the voice lowers, it can indicate feeling calm, but it could also have other meanings. This is why in doing predator profiling, we need to observe the totality of the person’s behavior.
- CHRONEMICS, for our purposes, this relates to rate of speech, but there are many nuanced meanings. For example, if someone is speaking really fast or haltingly, it can indicate anxiety or enthusiasm. The person’s meta-communication will provide further information.
WHEN SCANNING, HERE ARE MORE THINGS TO LOOK FOR:
- Presence of weapons (gun, knife, or another lethal weapon)
- Individuals clearly running away from someone
- Sounds that could be gunshots
- Violent Shouting
- Breaking of glass
- Any anomalous behavior (not the norm for that environment or situation)
- Someone has directed their attention toward you in a way that is frightening. Pay attention to their eyes as well as their feet. The direction of the suspect’s feet can indicate intention. If someone keeps glancing at you and then glancing away, you’ve been targeted; what you do will determine whether you get attacked.
- Hiding of the hands (which could be holding a concealed weapon)
- Anyone who looks out of place in a particular environment
- Clear the hands (Are both hands visible and empty?)
- Individuals whose hands are hidden (could be holding a weapon)
- Bulging around waist, shoulder, or ankle (could be a weapon)
- Patting or checking any area of body (commonly a weapon)
- Inappropriate clothing for the weather or setting (could be hiding a large weapon)
- Pacifying behavior (indicates anxiety)
- Sudden change in speed of someone’s movement
- Unexplained masking (sunglasses at night, hoodie in warm weather)
- Does someone seem extremely anxious, hyper-alert, and looking around in an intentional way?
- Is someone sweating on a cool day or wearing a heavy coat in warm weather?
- Is there anything about a person or situation in the space around you that causes you to feel concern or even fear?
THERE ARE ALWAYS WARNING SIGNS
Always honor your intuition, even in the absence of evidence. Never take your peripheral vision off anyone you are not sure about, but don’t stare. Once, when standing in line at a Starbucks, someone walked in who got my attention. My concern and suspicion increased when I then saw the barista suddenly break out in a sweat, which indicated to me that the barista had previously had some type of frightening encounter with that guy. There are countless early warning signs like these that go completely unnoticed by most people, which is why victims of crime often say the person attacked without warning. The reality is that there are always warning signs once you know how to look for them. When you are fully aware of everyone around you and you honor your intuition, you will instinctively stay away from or be prepared to deal with potentially dangerous people and situations. That day in Starbucks, the person I was watching didn’t cause any trouble, but because I was only a foot away from him and peripherally watching him constantly, I was ready to strike and disarm him if necessary. Although I chose to stay, the next time you are in the same space with someone who you are not comfortable being around, the best choice is always to leave before anything happens.
IN TERMS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, HOW CAN YOU REALLY KNOW IF CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE SAFE TO GET CLOSE TO?
People enter into terrible and often abusive relationships quite commonly. They mistakenly believe that the person’s behavior will improve once they are in a committed relationship. The reality is that undesirable behaviors do not go away when in a committed relationship. The reverse is usually true because that person is no longer on good behavior. Get to know that person’s behavioral patterns before getting seriously involved.
Learn to recognize red flags that can signal you to avoid getting into any type of relationship with someone displaying any of the following traits:
- Regularly disparages others
- Blames others for his or her own failures
- Often gets angry with others
- Talks about violence
- Is a loner
- Spreads conspiracy theories
- Illegally carries a concealed weapon
- Writes people off on a regular basis
- Views people as all good or all bad
- Lacks empathy
- Disinterested in the needs of others
- Distrustful of others
- Files formal complaints regularly
- Intolerant of diversity
- Substance abuse disorder or other addictions
- Has had run-ins with police
- Unstable work history
- Contentious relationship history
- Speaks in monologues and seems insensitive to the reactions of others
- Poor conversationalist; more interested in monologuing rather than in conversing with a natural interplay and dialog or two-way banter.
- Regularly says things that seem a little off
The above characteristics may not reveal themselves until you get to know the person well. It could be that the person is on good behavior, or it could be that it is not until you say something that triggers that behavior. It could be that by that time, you have become so fond of the person that you find yourself ignoring traits that otherwise would jump out at you as red flags.
In addition to the above red flags, it’s also essential to pay attention to the person’s Nonverbal Communication.
In addition to paying attention to the above red flag warning signs, pay attention to nonverbal communication. Most people pay more attention to what a person says than to that person’s nonverbal communication. The reality is that according to extensive research, over 90% of what we communicate is nonverbal. That’s how people get deceived in all types of relationships, not just romantic relationships.
Although dog owners think that their dogs understand what they’re saying, the reality is that the dog is superb at reading the extremely subtle body language of its owner, everyone else, and other dogs. Very few people have the commitment to learn that skill, but it can be learned. It’s just that people love words and preferentially choose words over nonverbal signs.
Along with staying clear of anyone with any of the above red flag warning indicators and paying attention to the person’s nonverbal communication, it is very important to ask questions of that person every time he or she says something that you don’t understand or are concerned about. Curiosity is a way to deepen healthy relationships. If the person takes offense at your curiosity, consider that to be another red flag warning of what is likely to become unhealthy relationship.
Unlike the psychopath, aggressive men and women are easier to spot and avoid. But there are many, very charming and charismatic psychopaths that can be much harder to identify until you get to know them. Beware of overly friendly types and avoid direct eye contact and conversation with them.
TALKING TO PREDATORS AND SUSPECTED POSSIBLE PREDATORS
It is always best to avoid conversation with anyone acting aggressively toward you (male or female), but if you cannot get away and the person asks you a question, the best answer is the simplest, shortest, and most neutral. If you can’t get away and he or she directs rage at you, try to de-escalate the situation with your calming words, keeping it very simple; do so while standing in a relaxed, alert stance from which you would be able to attack if necessary, with your open hands up for protection, palms forward. Ideally, witnesses will hear you trying to talk down the potential attacker; this is important, in order to avoid being charged as the aggressor after you deliver the first strike. Never make fists, as they would be seen as aggressive on your part, both by the potential attacker as well as by any witnesses. Never threaten someone who appears to be a threat to you because it could trigger him to attack you. Also, if he’s about to attack, you will lose the element of surprise.
Personally, I avoid talking to anyone about their conspiracy theories, because like religion and politics, the conversation is almost never satisfying or productive. And religious conspiracy theories have been behind most of the violence throughout history.
COMMON MISTAKES TO AVOID
By the way, in recent years, there have been countless reports of women confronting people with threats of violence and women attacking both men and women.
- A stranger accuses you of something. A common error is to then defend yourself, explaining why the accusation doesn’t line up with the evidence. This commonly leads to verbal escalation by one or both parties. Never engage in conversation with such people. Just get away.
- A stranger is yelling or otherwise seems very agitated and you go over to try to calm the person down. Helpful bystanders have been attacked by such people when they try to calm them down. Stay away and if you think the person may be a danger to self or others, call 911 as you observe from a safe distance.
- Someone runs a stop sign or traffic light, screeches as they just barely miss crashing into you. Another common mistake is to yell at the driver who almost hit your car or to lean on your horn. Even though the other driver was clearly at fault, if you act aggressively toward him or her, you could find yourself looking down the barrel of a gun. Many people in the U.S. have been shot doing that.
- You have your directional on, indicating that you are moving into a particular parking space. As you are driving into the space, someone darts into the space before you. You give them a piece of your mind. Many people in the U.S. have been shot doing that.
- You are in the supermarket and a very careless stranger slams their shopping cart into yours. When you don’t hear any apology, you confront the person. Although that person is not likely to do anything in the store, she or he may confront you with a gun in the parking lot. There are a lot of crazy and violent people out there who appear to be perfectly safe to be around until they are challenged. In the U.S. you should always assume everyone has a gun.
- When approaching a red light as you are driving, always leave enough space in front of you so that you can pull away if a potential car-jacker were to approach your car. Don’t make the common mistake of assuming it’s just a panhandler. Never let anyone approach your vehicle. But don’t leave so much space in front that another car can move into that space because then you are trapped.
- When pumping gas, never stand between your car and the pump in such a way that someone could approach you and trap you between him or herself, the pump, and your vehicle.
- Anyone wearing ear buds is likely to be seen as a soft target. Walking around in public, whether in a crowded area or out on a hiking trail, don’t make yourself a soft target. Use your eyes and ears to take in your surroundings—not occasionally—but always.
- Walking down the street texting.
- Not paying attention to the people in the space around you.
- Failing to recognize possible red flags related to your environment or people around you.
- Failing to constantly scan your environment.
- A number of people have been shoved or attacked from behind by engaging in those mindless behaviors just listed. People have been shoved off the landing and onto the tracks while waiting for a commuter train or shoved down a flight of stairs because they were oblivious to suspicious characters near them.
- Failure to read someone’s aggressive or agitated body language.
- Failure to read someone’s verbal or nonverbal communication.
- Failure to read any type of subtle behavior that should trigger safety concerns for you.
- Failure to recognize your intuitive feeling of fear when you can’t identify any logical explanation for that fear.
- Failure to recognize something that just seems “off” about someone in your immediate environment.
- Revealing private information to a stranger: Never reveal where you live—not even the part of town you live in—to anyone you don’t know. Some predators look for opportunities to strike up a conversation with someone who they’ve targeted.
- Going to secluded places: Whether a corner of a parking garage or a secluded hiking trail, a good heuristic is to never venture alone into an area where someone could attack you and have no witnesses. I often see women hiking or running alone on remote hiking trails. Some are very aware and they will probably not get targeted. But others are wearing ear buds and seem oblivious to other hikers and even to the sights and sounds of nature; those women are more likely to become victims.
- Being too friendly: Some predators, like Ted Bundy, are very good looking and very charming. Never assume a stranger is safe just because he has those qualities. The safest approach is to just make very brief eye-contact, just enough so that he knows you are aware of him but not enough for him to possibly think you are being friendly.
- Being fooled by women. A common tactic of sex traffickers and armed robbers is to have a woman approach potential victims. The victims felt safe following the woman to her vehicle or giving her their contact information, something they would not do with a man. Don’t trust any strangers regardless of gender or age. In recent years, many men have been shocked when they are attacked by a woman; this almost never happened years ago; it is now commonplace, usually in a public place, including a number of incidents on airline flights.
THE SUCKER PUNCHER
This is where the attacker doesn’t make any threatening remarks to you and simply walks up and punches you for no reason. This is a situation where it is difficult to avoid that first strike unless you maintain a high level of situational awareness. However, if you are very aware, you can learn to detect that something is off about the person approaching you. Whenever someone approaching me looks at all suspicious and I don’t have the space to side-step, I don’t take my eyes off him and am ready to go into action if a punch comes. Situational awareness will reduce the odds of ever being sucker-punched.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS: “THE ATTACK JUST CAME OUT OF THE BLUE.”
Many survivors of attacks have described the attack as: “It just came out of the blue with absolutely no warning.” There is always a warning, but you have to practice a high level of situational awareness in order to see the threat. This is similar to the many people who have been attacked by a dog when they tried to pet a dog that was already growling, had its tail up, or was silently looking intensely at them, often in a puffed-up posture.
SURPRISE A POTENTIAL THREAT
Anything that confuses a potential attacker and throws him off his game plan can and has deterred potential attacks. Obviously, if you are confronted by anyone demanding your money, jewelry, or any other object you are carrying or wearing, quickly hand it over; but in doing so, never take your eyes off the assailant. Although most robbers will leave the scene as soon as you hand over what they demand you give up, you can never be sure and occasionally robbery victims have been attacked even after handing over their wallet or purse. The good news is that if you hand it over without making a fuss, you will most likely be left alone.
RUN OR WALK TOWARD SAFETY RATHER THAN AWAY FROM DANGER
For example, if you are walking to your car in a parking garage and someone asks you for a ride or otherwise appears suspicious, you need to get away. Don’t go to your car; go in the direction where you are most likely to be near other people.
ATTACKED FROM BEHIND
If you are approached from behind, turn and scan the person to determine if you are safe. If you are not sure, just turning around to face the person can deter a potential attacker because muggers use the element of surprise. If you have a sense that someone behind you could possibly be a threat, keep that person in your peripheral vision at all times.
If you’re not situationally aware enough to detect someone approaching you from behind, there is a good chance you won’t be able to defend yourself before being knocked unconscious, stabbed, or shot. Many victims wake up on the pavement or in the hospital after getting knocked out; others don’t survive. When out at night in an urban area you must develop eyes in the back of your head. You must assess who is approaching you from the front as well as the rear. You can see everyone approaching you from the front long before they get close, so you have lots of time to asses them. If a potential attacker approaches from the front, you have some warning, which will improve your odds of evasion. However, someone can suddenly jump out from a doorway and grab you from behind, or someone may see you from afar and start following behind you until you are in a dark or isolated area, gradually getting close enough to grab you from behind. Unless you are extremely alert, constantly scanning the space around you, you could easily find yourself ambushed from behind. Your best defense is to stay so aware that you are able to make sure the attack never happens. Better yet, don’t go out at night alone.
PROTECT YOUR SPACE
Whenever a stranger enters your personal space:
- Move in order to maintain your safe space.
- If that’s not possible, such as in an elevator or crowded public transit, scan the person up and down and make sure the person sees you doing it; this sends a message that you are aware and prepared.
- Stay away from anyone who seems particularly charming.
- Especially when you are at an ATM, you must not let anyone enter your space. This is a time when you want to be very territorial. There’s a nickname for ATM machines: Accessory To a Mugging. Personally, I don’t even use ATMs. I deposit checks on the bank app on my phone and I almost never use cash for anything.
- Anytime you feel a hand on you, always move away from that person while turning to identify him or her. In an urban area where most of the people around you are strangers, you should always assume that it is the hand of a predator.
HOW TO MAKE EYE CONTACT
As you scan the people around you, you will often make eye-contact.
If that person is a predator, the nature of your eye-contact can determine whether or not you remain safe.
- Never stare or hold your gaze too long.
- When you break the eye-contact, do so sideways; breaking your gaze downward sends a message that you feel inferior or submissive; breaking your gaze upward sends a message that you are snubbing them.
- Always appear neutral—anything else, such as a wink or smile can lead to trouble.
Flirting is normal and may involve holding your gaze longer than what is considered normal while licking your lips. It’s usually unconscious, so it can be hard to avoid. The problem is that it could attract a dangerous predator.
THE KNOCKOUT GAME
This deadly game is played out every day somewhere in the U.S. The way it works is that two or more older teens or young adults approach an unsuspecting person and one of them suddenly rushes at the victim with an uppercut to his jaw or hook to the back of his head, successfully knocking him or her unconscious. There have been many such attacks caught on camera and in every case that I’ve seen, the victim either appeared oblivious to who was around him or her, or sometimes actually saw the attackers approach and did nothing to avoid the attack.
DIRECTIONS OF ATTACK
Ego-based fights—aka monkey-dance fights—almost always begin and are fought face-to-face. That is not self-defense. Anytime someone chooses to fight someone when he or she could have safely walked away, the claim of self-defense is not valid. Self-defense is not like that. In self-defense, your attacker will want to ambush you, sometimes from the front, but more often from the rear. If it is simply a robber who wants money, he or she will usually approach from the front and you will usually (not always) be unharmed by simply complying with the robber’s demands.
But if an attacker’s goal is to kill you, you won’t see it coming unless you are practicing exquisite situational awareness. If he wants to kidnap and/or rape you, you are likely to be ambushed from behind. If you are able to see the attack coming and are ready for it, you have a good chance of surviving and getting away. If you can’t get away, you will be in a fight for your life, but at least your chances for survival are much better if you are able to see the attack coming and you know how to preemptively attack the attacker just before he hits or grabs you.
MORE ON EYE-CONTACT AND BODY-LANGUAGE
Another extremely important part of situational awareness is to pay close attention to the type of eye contact that person has with others. For example, I once had an HVAC guy come to the house to give me an estimate on replacing the furnace and air conditioning system. As soon as he entered the house and we engaged in conversation I noticed that he was looking at me with big eyes and staring intensely into my eyes. I sort of got the sense that he was looking at me the way a big cat looks at an animal that could be its next meal. I got his estimate but had already decided, based on the disturbing way he made eye contact that I would not want him working in my house. Another thing I had noticed about him was that all his bodily movement seemed intentional. Normally, people are not even aware of how they move. It looked to me like he was planning every step and every bodily movement. His gesticulations were almost menacing. I doubt he was aware of it and most people would not have given it a second thought, but these are the kinds of things to look for in practicing situational awareness.
Situational awareness can be practiced as a fun game. For example, whenever I am out for an exercise hike or walk where there are other people, I play a game of seeing how much I can notice about people coming towards me. Examples of what I notice: Are both hands visible and are they both empty? I study their body-language, which is a form of unconscious behavior.
Another aspect of situational awareness includes noticing if anything in your immediate environment seems at all out of place. For example, one morning I was out hiking where there are normally a lot of noisy birds. One particular morning I noticed the lack of birds. I didn’t know why, but it was a red flag that something had scared the birds away. The next morning the birds were back. I never found the cause of their disappearance that one morning, but the point is that situational awareness includes noticing not only what is there, but what is missing or anomalous to baseline.
Anytime you go somewhere, make a game of noticing the environment. For example, notice where the exits are in every building. In a threat situation in a restaurant, the best escape exit is often through the kitchen.
Common places for attacks are parking lots—especially while entering or exiting your car, public restrooms, and any isolated locations. When entering and exiting your car you need to never take your attention off your surroundings. Restrooms that can only be accessed through a long hallway or an approach that is away from other people require you to be on high alert.
How to park your car in a parking garage: There have been many incidents of criminals using their car to block their intended victim from exiting the parking space, effectively trapping the person, making it easy to carry out an attack, kidnap, or carjack. For this reason, the best way to park in a parking garage is to back into the parking space. That way you are more likely to be able to drive out of the space before someone can block you in. Obviously this doesn’t apply to diagonal parking spaces.
Clothing: Don’t dress in ways that attract attention. Don’t wear high heels; they’re bad for the health of your spine and they make you a target because predators know that you won’t be able to run or to defend yourself. When students tell me they would use the shoe as a weapon, I demonstrate why that wouldn’t work.
Utilize reflections in car windows, building windows, and all reflective surfaces in order to keep an eye on who is behind you. Shadows from the sun or streetlights can also be used to inform you of who is around.
If you ever feel someone’s hand on you, you cannot afford to take the time to turn and figure out who it is. You must assume you are being attacked and you must quickly move away or if not possible then you must attack.
REVIEW OF SOME IMPORTANT POINTS
- Avoid someone who causes you to feel fear.
- If you are confronted by someone who is intent on harming you and you cannot get away, don’t engage in conversation unless the person forces the conversation. Avoid making prolonged eye-contact with the person. If the person approaches you and tells you to look at them, then in that case you should look at them but how you look can make the difference in what happens next. The best thing is to be respectful and friendly. Don’t cower in fear because that will make you a target, as would glaring at them, which would be seen as a challenge, which would also make you a target.
- If you are unable to avoid being physically attacked, you must preemptively disable the person, not just cause pain.
The following behaviors should be seen as warnings to keep your distance and don’t get involved on any level with such people:
- Impulsive behavior that shows little regard for others
- Rage: We all get angry and hopefully express our anger in healthy ways; but stay away from people in whom the anger seems out of control.
- Narcissism: self-centered, arrogant, grandiose, sense of entitlement, and lack of empathy
- Holds grudges
- Objectifies others
- Blames individuals and groups for his or her own shortcomings. They blame others for all their own failures.
- Behaves abusively toward others and commonly intimidates people
- Substance-abuse
Even if you become an expert in situational awareness, there are three reasons to also train in physical self-defense:
- Even those of us who are very practiced in situational awareness occasionally allow ourselves to get distracted by a conversation we’re in or something else that is capturing our attention. Sometimes we may lose our awareness because of a lack of sleep, simply not feeling well, or being preoccupied with a family or work situation. At those times, none of us are immune from being ambushed.
- Another reason to train in the physical self-defense techniques is because mastery of the techniques provides a path to self-empowerment, self-efficacy, and the joy of conscious embodiment. This confidence-building is important if you are ever targeted by a predator. In other words, in order to rise to the occasion to preemptively disable someone who is about to attack you, you must believe you can do it successfully.
- In the class I teach, practice of the techniques trains you to put your mind in and live from your center. This does two things:
- You will learn to move from your center of mass and to eventually connect your center of mass with your empty-hand weapons.
- You will learn to continually re-center your mind. In that way, this is a moving mindfulness practice in that the practice is about returning to your moment-to-moment state of mind and body. We use that skill to always be on the lookout for the wandering mind. You will go from thinking about, to intense focus on the activity of the moment.
DANGEROUS DOG OWNER
Commonality with both people and dogs: Whether with people or with dogs, you need to assertively set clear boundaries. Also, with both people and with dogs, to avoid violent confrontations, you need to be calm and assertive. If you have those qualities, both people and dogs are more likely to respect you. Obviously, there are inherently crazy people as well as inherently crazy dogs, but in both cases they are the exception.
Staying safe from dog attacks is similar to staying safe from human attacks. In both cases, if you practice situational awareness in order to avoid being in the same space as a predator, either human or canine, you will usually be safe. That said, there are some very dangerous dogs jumping fences and charging nearby pedestrians, and that type of attack is almost impossible to avoid. However, by calmly standing your ground and avoiding direct eye-contact, the dog will often (not always) stop even though it may continue to bark and growl.
If you are ever walking or jogging down a street and see a man or woman walking a couple of massive and powerful dogs like Corso, Dogo Argentino, Presa Canario, Mastiff, XL Bully, American Bully, Pit Bull, Rottweiler, or German Shepard, notice if the dogs are under the command of the owner. Usually they are not, in which case you should cross the street and stay away. If the dogs are pulling the owner along or seem excited, they will go after you if you get close. If you encounter them on a narrow hiking trail or anywhere else where it’s too late to get away unnoticed by the dogs, just stay silent, still and calm as they pass by, and don’t look directly at the dogs, and don’t turn and walk away at that point. Don’t even take a step back, because that’s prey behavior, which can trigger an attack. By the way, that too is the same as with humans. A human predator will see you as a soft target if you turn your back or even take a step back.
The dogs themselves are not the problem. The problem is that many owners of these powerful dogs buy them because they want a powerful, aggressive dog for protection. And they encourage the dog’s aggressiveness. In fact drug dealers and others involved in crime buy the ones that have been bred for their aggression. The dog may be no more likely to attack you than would a chihuahua, but the difference is that when those breeds are trained to kill, they are so powerful that there are many police reports of them biting right through the victim’s neck and dismembering the limbs. Unfortunately, there are psychopaths who own those breeds and train them to kill. There are reports of these dogs being used as a murder weapon. Some of these giant powerful dogs have been known to jump a six foot fence, chase down and kill people walking or running through the neighborhood.
By far the most common attacks come from the dogs owned by ethical, law-abiding citizens whose dogs attack only because the dogs don’t respect an insecure, anxious, or simply unassertive owner. The dogs view the owners as weak and think they need to protect them. Those dogs will attack anyone who gets close.
Whenever you see any dog of any breed that doesn’t obey it’s owner’s commands, stay away because an unassertive dog owner with a powerful strong-willed dog is a deadly combination. Powerful breeds like those I mentioned above require a dog owner who is a confident, assertive, skilled leader; otherwise the dog will not respect the owner, and will be dangerous to the owner, all members of the family, and everyone else. These unassertive dog owners commonly punish their dogs for their undesirable behavior, rather than train them to engage in desirable behavior; this exacerbates the dogs’ aggression and neuroticism, which makes them extremely dangerous dogs.
Self-defense against that type of dog attack: Situational awareness that allows for avoidance is your best defense because unarmed, most of us cannot put up a good enough empty hand defense against a committed attack by two of those powerful dogs that I named above. And just as pepper spray is ineffective with some human attackers, it is also ineffective with some highly aggressive dogs.
Many years ago I was hiking early in the morning near a large dog park when I suddenly saw a really big dog, possibly an American Mastiff or a Corso, charging toward me at incredible speed. I thought of front kicking it but didn’t for fear of just agitating the dog. It hit my right iliac crest with enormous power. I was able to yield and stay on my feet. As soon as it rammed into me I stepped into the dog, forcing it to back away. By claiming its space, the dog showed me respect. At that point we could have gone for a walk together. I waited around for a couple of minutes in order to see who the dog belonged to. No one came along so I finally left. There have been other incidents where a dog was barking and growling at me. Each time I discovered that by calmly stepping into it’s space, forcing it back, the dog would continue barking and growling as I continued to back it up. And each time, after a minute or so the dog lost interest. The greatest danger is when the dog is with it’s anxious unassertive owner.
Instead of banning certain breeds, we should require all people who want to buy one of those breeds I named above to first pass an approved training course in how to assertively set clear boundaries and how to correct bad behavior rather than punish the dog. And then, after buying the dog, they should be required to get tested with their new dog to demonstrate their skill at guiding and correcting the dog’s behavior.
Do a search for “Death by Dog” and you will come up with all the reports from recent years. It’s quite gruesome just reading the reports. Many young children have been mauled to death by the family dogs, which are usually one of those breeds mentioned above.
ACTIVE SHOOTER
- Before running, try to determine the shooter’s location; otherwise, you could end up running toward him. If you are indoors, you will not be able to tell by the sound of the gunfire because the sound bounces off the walls.
- If bullets are flying and you hide behind a partition wall, you need to know that such a wall won’t stop bullets. If you know where the shooter is, hide behind something that will stop bullets, such as a big planter, stone or concrete pillar, the wheels or engine block of a car, or something else that can stop bullets. Car windows and doors do not stop bullets.
- If you see the shooter and think he sees you, if you are physically able to, run away in a zigzag pattern until you find cover. If you are not physically able to run in a zigzag pattern you must find some way to get to concealment (not visible) even if you can’t get to cover (object that stops bullets). Or lay down and pretend to be dead; the shooter will focus on shooting people running away.
BOMB
In the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, multiple bombs were planted, making it impossible to know which direction to escape to. However, knowing that bombs are placed where there are the most people packed together, run toward sparsity—whether indoors or outdoors. My wife and I no longer attend any event where there are thousands of people packed together, since that’s the type of venue that domestic and foreign terrorists target.
STALKER
As soon as you have some evidence that someone may possibly be stalking you, completely change your daily routines and keep varying the order each day. Stalkers look for a predictable time and place where they can trap you. Be unpredictable in every way you can imagine. For example, change how you look each day. Never, under any circumstances, should you ever post anything related to your schedule plan on social media. If you know the identity of the stalker, report him or her to the police. Famous people get stalked regularly and often have a private security firm protecting them.
Up to this point, this webpage has been about women’s self-defense. However, this final section is NOT about self-defense. It is about law enforcement and the military, which we maintain so that citizens can live in peace.
The principles involved in self-defense apply to law enforcement and national defense, although they play out differently.
For example, in self-defense we have situational awareness. In law enforcement and national defense it would be called intelligence gathering. Detective work usually is what happens after a crime is committed, but intelligence gathering serves to prevent crime or attacks on the country.
A second example is that in both self-defense and in national defense it is important to set clear boundaries. In both self-defense and national defense it is important to avoid appeasing the enemy or potential enemy. In self-defense it can be as simple as verbally telling a potential predator to stay away and to do it assertively and confidently. In law enforcement and in national defense it involves a show of force and using police or military power to send a very clear message.
A third example is that in all three cases you must maintain your ability to defeat the enemy. In personal self-defense this involves some type of lifelong training to maintain your ability to physically defend yourself. In law enforcement, officers are expected to maintain physical abilities as well as firearms training. In the armed forces the training is less about maintaining individual physical training and more about training as a unit.
In terms of accountability, in self-defense if you injure or kill someone who attacks you, you only have to provide evidence that you acted as you did because you believed that your life was in danger. In law enforcement, you could be investigated by Internal Affairs. Whereas in national defense, national and world politics come into play.
Law enforcement is not quite as complex and political as national defense but is not nearly as simple as self-defense. For example, in law enforcement, there are commonly public outcries that the police used excessive force. That has had serious consequences because cops commonly now choose a non-lethal scale of force when a lethal weapon should have been used to stop the criminal.
Unfortunately, new soft on crime trends, defunding of police, and appeasement of troublemakers has been behind the dramatic increase in violent crime and all crime. That’s why increasing numbers of citizens are learning self-defense and arming themselves.
Self-defense and support for law enforcement agencies and the various armed services have always been important to me. I am quite concerned that so many young American college graduates now hate their country and want to tear it down.
THE NEW ANTI-AMERICAN AMERICANS
Our educational system has been totally infested with and taken over by the new Marxists. Most universities today are turning out graduates who are anti-American, anti-capitalist, anti-law enforcement, anti-military, and anti-meritocracy. They hate the U.S. and its trusted ally Israel because they view them as oppressors. In their morally bankrupt minds, an oppressor is an individual, group, or nation that achieved great success due to commitment to hard work and ingenuity. In their Marxist indoctrination, they were taught that equal opportunity should be supplanted by equal outcome.
Law enforcement agencies and the military are now having serious recruitment problems due to DEI policies including Critical Race Theory and identity politics, to which law enforcement agencies and armed forces are now subjected. The Marine Corps is the only military branch that is meeting recruitment goals; it also happens to be the only branch that has not pushed DEI. Law enforcement officers and members of the armed forces are taking early retirement in droves. High ranking officers who resist the DEI indoctrination don’t get promoted. Hiring and promotion are no longer based on merit, but rather on being a member of certain minority groups that are said to be oppressed. If you are a member of a so-called oppressed minority group, you will get hired and promoted, even if you are inept. If you are white and successful, you are now referred to as a racist and an oppressor. CRT and identity politics are leading us down a very destructive path, making the country weak at a time when our enemies are celebrating the increasing chaos and divisiveness they see in this country. And they are contributing to it through social media.
The type of courageous loyal Americans who previously wanted to step up and serve their country or go into law enforcement careers are now disgusted and confused by the new woke ideologies being forced on them. To make matters worse, cops and soldiers are no longer being viewed as valued protectors. They are being treated by these new Marxists as the enemy. These anti-American, so-called Democratic Socialists have now infested the United States Congress.
The young Democratic Socialists learned in K-12 public school and in the most elite universities that the United States of America is an evil oppressor state.
I come from a patriotic family, members of whom served in the late 1800s, WWI, and WWII. My father was a medic in WWII and along with all his friends, enlisted on Decenber 8th, 1941. Although I was too sick (primary immunodeficiency disease) to serve, I still remember President Kennedy’s: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”
Violent crime is up all over the country as a result of cutbacks. If a crime has been committed, but no one is in immediate danger, and no one died or went to the hospital, police will no longer come to the scene. That’s why most crimes now go unreported, leading to grossly false low levels of crime that get reported in the news.
Unless law enforcement is better supported, more private citizens will continue to arm themselves. At a certain point, when people get fed up with increasing crime, we could see the formation of vigilante gangs, which would be the beginning of chaos and the downfall of the country.
The mainstream media keep reporting a big drop in crime, but that’s because of a significant drop in arrest rates. What they fail to realize is that the reason for the enormous drop in arrest rates is due to the cutbacks in police departments. The reality is that crime rates are way up. Police reports no longer get filed except for when someone dies or go to the hospital. See https://crimeresearch.org/ for the actual data.
Peace is achieved and maintained through strength, along with a demonstration of our willingness to use that strength. When a U.S. President (Obama) draws a red line in the sand and then fails to honor it, there are consequences. It’s no coincidence that Putin invaded Crimea soon after Obama failed to act. When Biden pulled out of Afghanistan in the catastrophic way he did, leaving behind 83 billon dollars of sophisticated weapons of war, all of which ended up in enemy hands, Putin acted on that as well, invading Ukraine. Biden spent his entire term of office continually trying to appease Iran and its satellites of terrorist armies; that sends another very clear message of weakness to China, Iran, Russia, and North Korea. Instead of appeasing Iran, the U.S. and our allies should be putting a stop to Iranian-sponsored terror, and destroying Iran’s nuclear facility.
At present, the Houthis are holding the world hostage by firing missiles at commercial ships in the Red Sea. The U.S. could take action to put a stop to those attacks. But every country involved in the shipping losses should be part of what needs to happen; if those countries along with the U.S. would join together, Iran would get a very clear message that it is in their best interests to stop funding terrorism. Everyone knows that Iran can be stopped from supplying those weapons. This is another example of how appeasement invites increased violence.
I hope we never have to resume the draft because according to college administrators, their students are traumatized when they are not addressed by their preferred pronoun. If they are that fragile and so used to being coddled, there’s no way they would survive even the first day of military basic training. If university administrators, faculty, and students had to spend a week in a gang-infested area, a war zone, or a wilderness where life is about real survival, they would grow up fast or they would die.
Plus, these new Marxists view the country as an evil oppressor. In a real war, they would likely side with the enemy; just look at how they have been cheering for Hamas and the Houthis.
The police and military are the sheepdogs that protect the flock. If you weaken the law enforcement agencies and the armed forces, then the sheep will be eaten by the wolves. Internationally, the U.S. is increasingly being seen as a weak, appeaser-nation, and the wolves are watching. Domestically, anxiety, fear, and anger are increasing. At a certain point when the sheepdogs have been sufficiently weakened, threats from the wolves could bring down the greatest country on the planet. There is still time to prevent that from happening. At present, people are so blinded by imagined threats that they are unable to see the real threats. This has happened throughout history, and it never ended well for the sheep.
Presently, the wolves are deep into the process of aggressively sowing chaos and divisiveness in this country by creating conspiracy theories that they then infuse into most universities, the K-12 public school systems, all the schoolteachers unions, and social media. Even West Point and the other military academies are now polluted with DEI and CRT.
When you focus on race, you spread racism. When you focus on moment-to-moment observable behavior, race is irrelevant and you are prepared for living in the real world, which is composed of real threats rather than the imagined threats created by racism.
People vote based on their beliefs, which are being infused into them through ubiquitous propaganda from China, Iran, Russia, and North Korea.
There are members of both parties of Congress who fail to appreciate that both appeasement and isolationism make the U.S. weak and vulnerable. When we fail to immediately stand up and defend our allies, we create a very dangerous situation, not just for our allies, but for the U.S. itself.
Our enemies (especially the CCP and Iran) are watching with glee as the Democrat party is rapidly becoming the Democratic Socialist party with its Marxist oppressor/oppressed values. The moral relativism now taught in K-12 and American universities has destroyed free speech. Unfortunately, the Republican party is hurting itself by saying abortion is murder, which causes them to lose much of the vote. In addition, increasing numbers of Republican members of Congress are now isolationists.
But it is the Democrats who are endangering us the most, through their policies of appeasement, both domestically (weak on crime) and internationally, by not recognizing that the CCP, Iran, North Korea, and Russia are hard at work sowing chaos in the U.S. through social media propaganda. It is the Democrats who are promoting the moral relativism being taught throughout all levels of our educational system.
